Communicating with others is an essential skill in business dealings, family affairs, and romantic relationships, and is an essential part of any personal development effort. Do you often find yourself misunderstanding others? Do you have difficulty getting your point across clearly? When it comes to communication, what you say and what you don’t say are equally important. Being a good listener is quite crucial.

In my quest to become a better communicator, I came across a few things I will have to overcome before I succeed:

Challenge 1

Listen more carefully and responsively. Listen first and acknowledge what you hear, even if you don’t agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of view. In order to get more of your conversation partner’s attention in tense situations, pay attention first: listen and give a brief restatement of what you have heard (especially feelings) before you express your own needs or position. The kind of listening recommended here separates acknowledging from approving or agreeing.

Challenge 2

Explain your conversational intent and invite consent. In order to help your conversation partner cooperate with you and to reduce possible misunderstandings, start important conversations by inviting your conversation partner to join you in the specific kind of conversation you want to have. The more the conversation is going to mean to you, the more important it is for your conversation partner to understand the big picture. Many successful communicators begin special conversations with a preface that goes something like: “I would like to talk with you for a few minutes about [subject matter]. When would be a good time?” The exercise for this step will encourage you to expand your list of possible conversations and to practice starting a wide variety of them.

Challenge 3

Express yourself more clearly and completely. Slow down and give your listeners more information about what you are experiencing by using a wide range of “I-statements.” One way to help get more of your listener’s empathy is to express more of the five basic dimensions of your experience: Here is an example using one of the five main “I-messages” identified by various researchers over the past half century: What are you seeing, hearing or otherwise sensing?/ “When I saw the dishes in the sink…”

Challenge 4

Translate your (and other people’s) complaints and criticisms into specific requests, and explain your requests. In order to get more cooperation from others, whenever possible ask for what you want by using specific, action-oriented, positive language rather than by using generalizations, “why’s” ,”don’ts” or “somebody should’s.” Help your listeners comply by explaining your requests with a “so that…”, “it would help me to… if you would…” or “in order to…” Also, when you are receiving criticism and complaints from others, translate and restate the complaints as action requests. ….”).

Challenge 5

Ask questions more “openendedly” and more creatively. “Openendedly…”:
In order to coordinate our life and work with the lives and work of other people, we all need to know more of what other people are feeling and thinking, wanting and planning. But our usual “yes/no” questions actually tend to shut people up rather than opening them up. In order to encourage your conversation partners to share more of their thoughts and feelings, ask “open-ended” rather than “yes/no” questions. Open-ended questions allow for a wide range of responses. For example, asking “How did you like that food/movie /speech/doctor/etc.?” will evoke a more detailed response than “Did you like it?” (which could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”). In the first part of Challenge Five we explore asking a wide range of open-ended questions.

Challenge 6

Express more appreciation.

To build more satisfying relationships with the people around you, express more appreciation, delight, affirmation, encouragement and gratitude. Because life continually requires us to attend to problems and breakdowns, it gets very easy to see in life only what is broken and needs fixing. But satisfying relationships (and a happy life) require us to notice and respond to what is delightful, excellent, enjoyable, to work well done, to food well cooked, etc. It is appreciation that makes a relationship strong enough to accommodate differences and disagreements. Thinkers and researchers in several different fields have reached similar conclusions about this: healthy relationships need a core of mutual appreciation.

Copyright 2006 http://www.BurstCreativity.com
Alexander Tretjakov
Personal Development Blog and Unconventional Thinking University
Author of MiWay Time Management System
Get this e-book FREE at:

http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm

How do we choose what we should do in life, our career, our path in life? It is a very hard question to answer. Nobody actually teaches us how to choose our destiny. In school we are bombarded with a variety of things for us to try, in hopes that we would eventually find something that we could stick with. This works for many of us, but not all. Everyone knows at least one person who seems not to have found his/her place in life. There are even more people who are simply not happy with what they do. As the matter a fact I would go as far as to say that most of our society could be doing better in that regard. Most of us just accept our present situation, and think that we can’t do anything about it. If there are a lot of unhappy people around, society in general is bound to be impacted.

So how do we address this situation?

First of all I would like to say that there isn’t one thing that will allow all of us to become happy and follow our destiny with ease. I think that the biggest thing we have to realize is that in order for us to find our real purpose in life; we first have to start looking! I think intention, is the key element in actually achieving our goals.

Next, after we have decided that we want to find our ultimate mission in life, we have to look at what are the things that really make us happy. I think that it could be most difficult undertaking, because in order for us to find the meaning in our life, we first have to get to know our selves.

Although this process can be difficult, it also can be very rewarding. For example some people are very good communicators. So good, as the matter a fact, that people always make fun of them, because they talk too much. Their personality will work well in the activities that require them to communicate effectively with other people. So they would probably enjoy profession such as a journalist or a sales person. Then there are others who are more analytical in everything they do. They might want to try something like being an engineer. These seemingly little personality descriptions, can be very important indicators in our search to discover our destiny.

Here is what I did when I was trying to figure out what to do with my life:

First I wrote down all of the things I enjoyed doing (writing, teaching, personal development, trading on the stock market etc.).

Then I looked at that list and prioritized in order of what I would want to try and do first. You see out of all of the things I enjoyed or wanted to do, I first and foremost wanted to have my own business. So anything I would do would have to become a business, in order for me to be completely satisfied. That is exactly how I started BurstCreativity. This site allows me to teach, write, communicate, help people, but also it is an online business that allows me the freedom that I want – perfect compromise between my desires.

It does’t mean that this is going to be the only thing I could be doing. I could come up with some other activities that would allow me to fulfill the very same needs. I also want to build businesses for example, so I am also involved in several other ventures.

The most important part however is the fact that I try to choose what I do based on what I want. My inner desires dictate what I do and this is probably the key formula here. Find out what you want and do it.

Copyright 2006 http://www.BurstCreativity.com
Alexander Tretjakov
Unconventional Thinking University
Author of MiWay Time Management System
Get this e-book FREE at:

http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm

What kind of business are you running? Is your philosophy success at all costs? Do you care how your business practices affect people around you? In the answers to those questions lies the success of your enterprise. The days of cut-throat business practices are becoming numbered. More and more businesses realize that creating win-win conditions in all of their activities, be it with employees or their clients, can only improve their success ratio.

Just imagine the following situation. You have a competitor that constantly undercuts your prices. He often forces you into bidding wars, and generally your relationship with him is adversary. Now imagine that instead of waging the usual war, you decide to approach your competition from a different point of view. You come up with an idea of a cross promotion that will funnel your clients to him and his to you. You sell that idea to him, and you join forces in promoting this venture. It is so successful, that both of you make a lot of money from it. From then on your relationship changes; and instead of competing you join forces. You do many promotions like the first one and take your business to new heights of success. Thanks to your new partner – your former competitor.

So what can we do to incorporate more of win-win philosophy in our business? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Every time you make a decision in your business, consider how it will affect people around you. Will your decision have a positive effect on your clients, employees, competitors? If not, can there be anything done to change, improve the situation?

2. Be flexible. This is key, because if you are not flexible, the creation of win-win conditions will be impossible. Usually in order for both parties to win, they both will have to sacrifice first.

3. Communication is crucial. In order for you to be able to sell your proposal of win-win conditions you will first have to educate the other party. If you can’t do it effectively, there is no way will you be able to get them to agree to it in the first place.

4. You must sell your proposal to everybody involved. This, like any other sales process will require you to show clear benefits to the opposing party. Show them how they will win before you show them how you will.

5. Treating your employees as partners and creating win-win conditions when dealing with them, will probably be the best decision you have ever made. Your employees affect your business a lot more then your clients do, because they deal with your clients and represent you business on all levels of sales process.

6. Creating incentives can be a great tool to create win-win conditions. In selling your proposal to the opposing side, your proposal will hold a lot more weight if it comes with an incentive of one form or another.

7. Extend trust to the other party. One of the biggest problems that prevents win-win deals from happening is the lack of trust among parties involved. The surest way to start building trust is to be the first to extend it to your opponent.

8. Put your self in the other person’s shoes. Understanding where the other person is coming from, is imperative to be able to craft a strategy where both parties win.

9. Have a clear understanding of what is it that you are trying to accomplish. As with any other endeavor having clear goals will help you keep things in perspective and know when the goal has been accomplished.

Following this advice surely will allow you to develop long lasting fruitful relationships with your clients, employees and competition alike.

Copyright 2006 http://www.BurstCreativity.com
Alexander Tretjakov
Unconventional Thinking University
Author of MiWay Time Management System
Get this e-book FREE at:

http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm

Knowing how to get rich is easy; knowing why you don’t just get up and do it is the hard part. Advice on how to get rich is everywhere. So how do we separate what is real from what isn’t? Is there such thing as getting rich quick? The truth is probably that there is. Like everything in life, it is only available to the lucky few. People who have brilliant ideas, at the right time, that have the right attitude and do what ever needs to be done to succeed. Even, when these kinds of right circumstances do exist, the path of getting rich can be full of hard work and sacrifice.

Here is the recipe on how to get rich:

Find something you love to do. Find a system of making money with it. Do it until you will be successful.

Sounds over simplistic? It is. Knowing how to get rich is easy, it is doing everything you need to do to get rich that’s hard. There is a chapter in Donald Trumps book “How to Get Rich” where we follow Trump with his 24/7 schedule for one week. You think you work hard to earn a living? Try being “on” all the time like most business people are.

Let’s look at some of the areas where people make a lot of money.

Business world is a first place we are going to look at. You can definitely make your self rich by developing a successful business. Relatively speaking that method can be very quick. Ultimately whatever way of getting rich you would choose, be it real estate investing or online trading or marketing, it will boil down to developing a business. All successful businesses have systems that they follow to make money, and those systems are the key behind their success.

There is two ways of developing a business system. One you can do it your self. This way is long and painful most of the time and is the reason why 3 out of 4 businesses fail in the first 3 years of operation. Two you can buy a system from someone who “cracked the code” for you. In other words get someone who is already successful to teach you what they know. This way is faster and increases you chances of success dramatically. To put it simply, you will not be able to succeed unless you educate your self.

Investing is another way of making alot of money. Just like in business, in the area of investing most people loose money. The reason most investing is so risky is as simple as lack of knowledge and sophistication on the part of the investor. There is definitely a way to make it big in investing. The success just like in business depends on the systems you employ in your investment strategy. And here again you can either develop the systems your self, or find someone who is already successful and get them to teach you what they know. The difference between investing and business is that you can’t build a successful investment strategy with sweat equity like in business. You can loose a lot of money in learning how to invest, so I suggest the “leaning from someone who knows what they are doing” route.

Winning a lottery works for some, but let’s face it, what’s a bigger chance – you winning a lottery or building a successful business with hard work?

Working hard for someone else … is not a way to become financially wealthy. People might disagree. But to become truly wealthy, where all your financial needs are met for the rest of your and your children’s life, is pretty much impossible while working for someone else. This method of saving pennies has to be combined with some form of investing or business to attain true wealth.

So should we forget about getting rich quick? No not at all, as long as we also keep in mind that becoming a millionaire is a process, unless of course, you are born a Paris Hilton. Most of us, however, do not have that privilege and have to make sacrifices on the road to success. Hard work and education are two keys that will ensure success in both finances and personal development.

Alexander Tretjakov, author of MiWay Time Management System. Get this e-book FREE at: http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm
BurstCreativity.com Unconventional Thinking University – personal development, Creativity and Self Help community: http://www.BurstCreativity.com

I feel extremely passionate about this topic. There is simply so much power behind this concept – it is unbelievable.

What is masterminding exactly? Let me ask you a quick question first. What would be more effective when solving a problem, trying to come up with a solution by your self, or having a group of people help you? The answer is probably best found in this familiar saying – “Two heads are better then one”. To make it really simple we can look at a mastermind group as a “think tank” that helps find solutions to problems that the members of the group face. First pioneered by Napoleon Hill, this popular concept soon gained popularity within the personal development and business circles alike.

When all members of the group are like minded people, this kind of gathering of minds brings a special sort of synergy, and incredible results. If you ever wanted to accelerate your success join a master mind group or form one of your own. Just imagine, every member of the group gets a turn to present his problem to others and they in turn try to find a solution to his problem.

Many businesses use this concept to come up with new ideas or streamline their processes. But I must underline the importance of having a group of like minded people. If there is no chemistry between that group, the synergy I was talking about will not happen.

Another important point to look at, is the fact that the group must have a structure. What do I mean by that? If your group doesn’t have rules which all of the members agree to follow, you will not be able to accomplish anything useful in your meetings. You also would need a person who will coordinate things. Making sure that every issue is fully addressed by all members.

Usually a group like that would meet at regular intervals, be it once a week or one a month. You can meet as often, or as few times, as you want. The important thing is that you do so religiously. Otherwise the whole purpose of having a mastermind group is defeated.

Now days with the power of the internet such meetings can be held virtually, so people do not actually have to be at the same place physically. They don’t even have to be there at the same time. Such groups may be set up as a forum, or a discussion group.

Without a doubt if you succeed in joining such group, or making one of your own, work, it will benefit you on countless levels and is well worth the work you will put into establishing one.

Alexander Tretjakov, author of MiWay Time Management System. Get this e-book FREE at:

http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm

BurstCreativity.com Unconventional Thinking University – personal development, Creativity and Self Help community http://www.BurstCreativity.com

Money is a very important topic in our life. I would go so far as to say that anybody who says that it isn’t, are lying to them selves. The reality of our life is that over 70% of transactions in our life are monetary. If we do not learn how to properly manage this part of our being, we are going to be bound to life of lack and need – and nobody wants to have that kind of stress in their life. The only way to avoid this kind of existence is to become a monk and withdraw from society completely. But I do not think that a life of a monk is for everybody.

Here is a bit of background on me. When I was younger, I had a highly idealistic and almost snobbish point of view about money. I believed that money represented materialism. I, being a “highly evolved” spiritual being should not be concerned with finances. I believed that being poor or struggling financially meant that I am evolving even more. This just reinforced my conviction about being spiritual and my already inflated ego. In my opinion it did not help me be any more evolved then I am now. It did land me in debt however. So badly that I wasn’t able to pay it off for years. Constantly worrying about finances brought me more stress and nothing else but that.

I think the only great thing about struggling financially, is realizing that you have to do something about it in order for it to stop, or it never will. I also think that we learn spiritually much more from doing something to improve our present situation (or our selves) rather then simply accepting our fate, and wanting for the change to come.

When I realized that I might have been wrong about how I view money, changes began to happen in my life. I changed what I do for a living. I changed how I look at finances. I began studying what it takes to be financially successful. These changes improved the quality of my life more then two fold, and I do not think I am more materialistic then I was before.

Here are a few things I learned through out this journey:

- You must know where you want to end up financially. In other words – have a goal.

- You must have a plan of getting there. Make a strategy that will allow you to achieve your goal.

- A budget must be a part of your plan. A bookkeeping and budgeting is like a window into what is happening in your financial life. How much you are spending, where, and how much of it you can actually afford. If you do not follow a budget you can look at it as driving blindfolded in a snow storm. You can do it, but you might get in trouble.

- Have a plan where you are going to divide your money as soon as it comes in. So as soon as you get a pay check (of any sort), separate it into categories (long term investment, short term savings, budget, charity, spending money. You can use how ever many categories your plan will require.) This way you will know where every single cent is at all times.

- Learn about investing your money. This is probably the best advice I can give. Learn as much as possible. If you don’t have money to pay the “best” to do investing for you, you must take matters into your own hands and learn how to do it. Nobody will care about your money as much as you do. Learning different investment strategies will always give you a better result, then simply giving it to someone to do it for you.

Money can be compared to breathing. We don’t think about it when it comes to us easily, but it sure is a problem if it doesn’t. So, as it is important to learn how to breathe when we are born, it is also important to learn how to manage our finances. And the beauty of it all is the fact that there is a lot to learn. So let’s get started.

Alexander Tretjakov, author of MiWay Time Management System. Get this e-book FREE at:

http://burstcreativity.com/freetimemanagementsystem.htm

BurstCreativity.com Unconventional Thinking University – personal development blog, Creativity and Self Help community http://www.BurstCreativity.com